“Don’t Call That Man” Newsletter! 
http://www.RhondaFindling.com 

Summer- June/July 2007, Issue #17
 
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IN THIS ISSUE 
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  1. Book signing in Paris, France
  2. Workshop in Glastonbury, England
  3. Feature Article: “Ten Steps to Not Call That Man (or Woman)”
  4. Rhonda’s “Don’t Call That Man!” summer book pic
  5. Manhattan Support Group during the summer
  6. Free Membership to RhondaFindling.com during month of July

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  1.  Rhonda will be speaking and doing a book signing in Paris, France

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Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
Book signing and discussion
Rhonda will be speaking about her book "Don't Call That Man! A Survival Guide to Letting Go" as well as the newly published French edition "Quand C'est Fini, C'est Fini"  

Where: Paris Soirees
Chez Patricia Laplante-Collins
13 rue de Mullhouse, 75002 Paris

Info: Phone number: 01 43 26 12 88
www.parissoirees.com 

What Time: 6:30-9:00 p.m.

Fee: 15 Euro's (Includes food and wine)

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2. Rhonda will be doing a workshop in Glastonbury, England

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Thursday, July 19, 2007
Rhonda will be leading a workshop on how to stop obsessing about your ex-boyfriend/husband!
Learn how to let go and move on from go nowhere relationships!
Where: Enlightenment Shop
38 High Street in the White Room
Glastonbury, England Info:  01458 830 250
What time: 7 - 8:30 PM
Fee: £ 10

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3. Feature Article: “Ten Steps to Not Call That Man (or Woman)”

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If you’re having an urge to call your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend and you know you shouldn’t, here’s a

Ten Step Program To “Not Call That Man or Woman!”

  1. Postpone contacting him. Stall. Tell yourself you will wait at least two hours before you contact him. This will give you some time to work on yourself. There’s always time to impulsively call that man or woman!
  2. Get away from whatever (person, place, or thing) is causing you to have that urge to contact him!
  3. Distract yourself. Shift your attention to something else, anything that will get you to temporarily not think of him. Go to a movie; go visit friends – whatever it takes to stop your preoccupation with him.
  4. Remind yourself that feelings and urges do pass. It just feels like this now. It will not always feel like this!
  5. Think of the negative consequences that can result from the contact. Avoid thinking of any positive memories at this moment. Don’t romanticize the relationship. In fact, think of all the negative qualities of your ex. Remember the times you were dissatisfied with the relationship with him.
  6. Try to get in touch with feelings behind the urge to contact him that are caused by external events.
  7. Call on your support system. If you’ve gotten this far, and you still want to call him, its time for you to share your feelings with others. Memorize the phone numbers of the people in your support system or carry their numbers at all times.
  8. Learn to tolerate feelings and not immediately act them out. Sometimes in life you have to sit on your feelings and not to do anything about them. Endure feelings of frustration for long – term gratification, which would be letting go of your ex, so you can avoid further rejection and humiliation.
  9. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Keep track of how many days you can resist the temptation of contacting him. Keep track of hours. Knowing you are going to be able to mark down another day of not calling him may help you have a sense of achievement. You were able to control yourself from dong something potentially self-destructive. You were able to take care of yourself.
  10. Reward yourself. If you make it through a week and still haven’t called him, go out with some friends and celebrate. Give yourself credit. Acknowledge to yourself it’s real struggle and takes a lot of self-discipline.

This is excerpted from “Don’t Call That Man! A Survival Guide To Letting Go” (Hyperion). which is available in bookstores nationwide and on amazon.com.

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4. Rhonda’s summer book pic: If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation (Simon and Schuster 2007)

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Janine Latus’s memoir, If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation, is hard to put down and quite haunting. It tells the story of two sisters who hook up with the wrong men. Latus writes about her own relationships with abusive men, and how she eventually leaves her marriage, which is emotionally abusive and physically violent.  The author examines her own choices, as well as how her younger sister makes some of the same mistakes, which eventually leads to her tragic death.  Latus never appears self-pitying in her writing and instead is completely objective as she struggles to rediscover her own self worth, as well as mourning the loss of her sister. I especially liked that Janine Latus’s account of what happened to her sister is a warning to women who take chances and get involved  with shady sociopathic men and assuming there will be no consequences other than a possible broken heart.

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5. Manhattan Support Group during the summer

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The Manhattan Psychotherapy Support Group that I run will be on hiatus during most of July due to my being out of the country.  The Group will resume again on July 25th.There is currently an opening in my Manhattan psychotherapy support group. If you are interested in joining, please contact me at rhondadctm@aol.com or leave me a message at (718) 459-3284.  If you’d like to learn more about the group please go to the link on my home page, support groups or go directly to http://rhondafindling.com/grpconsult.htm.   

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6. Free Membership to RhondaFindling.com during the month of July

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During the month of July, the message board on my website will be available to non-members to give everyone an opportunity to experience the support and wisdom members get from reading posts and posting on the board. To do so just go to my homepage at www.rhondafindling.com and click on the message board link.

Wishing everyone a happy, healthy and prosperous summer.

Best,

Rhonda