"Before I came to the Board, I had been unsuccessful
in ALL of my long-term relationships with men. Ultimately,
I consistently picked unavailable men, chased them, they rejected
me, I didn't listen, I kept hanging on, accepted crumbs,
did not have any self-esteem or self-respect or feelings of
self-worth. I hung on like a wire terrier for years, was the
initiator of the phone calls, the sender of letters and holiday
or birthday gifts/cards, and NEVER was #1 in anyone life who
I cared about.
I blamed them. Never myself. I spent hours criticizing
them with my friends. I never chose to leave and be available
to a healthy, available, willing man. I focused on him. I
could not and did not see how I was responsible for anything
that happened. I would not work on myself or my issues with
my father/parents ? except to complain and be a "victim"
over and over again.
Then I had another one-sided crush on a man who led me
on. I had read Rhonda's books recently, and joined the
Board. All I did was whine and complain and deny reality,
and try to change him.
I'd read incredibly wise posts from the other women.
I could "hear" them in my brain. But it wasn't
integrated in my heart. I had no courage to leave a situation
I was stuck in voluntarily out of habit and my own cowardice.
Finally I self-destructed with this man. I cried and screamed
and cut all my hair off and couldn't eat or sleep for
two weeks afterwards. I posted on the Board constantly. I
read the posts everyone else wrote about their stuff constantly.
And gradually, very gradually, I began to open my eyes.
To what my responsibilities were. To how I had abandoned myself.
To how I had no boundaries. To how my behavior and choices
got me where I was. Day by day I began to "see"
what I had been doing that hadn't worked. And to understand
(much of it from the healthy and strong women on the Board)
what DID work in taking care of yourself .
I ended ALL of my "relationships" with men where
I had been doing the pursuing. I saw red flags and left almost
immediately. I kept posting on the Board and reading the other
girls' posts. I began to BE one of the strong ones, the
healthy ones, the wise ones.
My brain and heart were in synch. I chose truth over fantasy,
independence over rejection, modeling healthy behavior over
THANK GOD FOR RHONDA'S BOARD. My life is totally
different because of it. How incredibly valuable it was, and
is. I will keep posting, and hope that I can be a source of
kindness and insight and support and strength to the newbies,
like the wonderful women were who so generously gave their
time and advice to me for months and months whenever I needed
it, as often or seldom as I needed it."
- Honey, California
"Your message board was better for me than a therapist
because every one has almost the same problem and can understand
each other, and what we are going through. This message board
is worth millions because it helped me so much."
- Sima, L. A.,California