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Here's the first step of my ten step program to Not Call
That Man (if you have an urge to call a man you've broken
up with but know you shouldn't). The ten step program is
one of the chapters in "Don't Call That Man!"
Step One.
POSTPONE contacting him. STALL!! Tell yourself you will
wait at least two hours before you contact him. This will
give you some time to work on yourself. There's always time
to compulsively call that man.
Writing Exercises. What can you do (such as going to a
book store or movie) to postpone calling him for a few hours?
Write about the urgent need to call your ex. Describe your
feelings.
Sometimes the way a woman THINKS keeps her hooked on him.
Here is a sample (from "Don't Call That Man!")
of two ways you might be thinking that's making it especially
difficult for you to let go of him.
IDEALIZING. You may be IDEALIZING him thinking he is perfect
and unique - attributing magical qualities onto him. If
you are ruminating about how incredibly great he is and
how you'll never find such a perfect specimen of a man again,
you'll never be able to let go and mourn. Try being realistic
about him - focus on his flaws if necessary. Otherwise letting
go will be a never-ending struggle.
IF ONLY. You keep obsessing about the events that led to
the end or deterioration of the relationship. You keep thinking
and thinking about how things could have been different
and had a happier ending. If only ... if only ... if only
... you must accept the way life played itself out. You
can make changes in your future life with what you've learned
from the experience but focusing on the past is only making
you frustrated and unhappy.
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